DAY 1

I'm not quite sure how long I will kept this writing thing up, but I guess like my sister said "every time you say it, the heaviness of it will ease off a bit more". Gonna keep unloading this until there's nothing left to unload. Mandi has a point "try not to say anything about him", is going to be the main part of this or at least don't mention his name! (I mean if I'm gonna unload shit, things with him will bound to turn up, until one day it doesn't really matter)

It's so strange to be looking at the previous posts, so much stuff is applicable now. Still. I guess previously I just say it to make myself feel better. But now that I'm actually old, I need to do something about it.

- more love + patience towards my family (most important goal of 2018)
  -mini goals: help out more around the house, breathe and use a nice tone, hold my tongue

- continue to, or exercise more
 - mini goals: on days I don't actually feel like working out, be sure to at least do squats, lunges and kicks home

- finish books I have
 - mini goals: no phones, just straight reading
 - list: the subtle art of not giving a fuck, paris for one, a man called ove, still me, the alice network

- continue to cut back on junk food/ bad food:
 - mini goals: out of sight out of mind! Don't buy them at all!

- continue this friend relationship and not lose my shit and check times etc.
 - mini goals; turn last online off?

-  do better at work
 - mini goals: take more initiation and get off my lazy ass (but it's so coooold)

- take more initiation to meet up with friends:
 - mini goals: going on lunch, dinner dates, message people I want to touch base with again
 - Joanne, Fatima, Serena, Ronald, Bobby, Mandi, Michelle, Samson/ Marquez

- LET THINGS BE AND GO WITH THE FLOW

All these sounds very familiar.

Dear Tinkerbell,

Last night I had the weirdest dream. So basically this is what i remember:

Class reunion or going back to classes and we had to use lockers and stuff, but the school or the way the lockers are placed doesn’t seem like it's JNB, so i’m not too sure where I am. I think I saw Vivian , Peter Choi, in the hallways. We had class I think. Then for some reason it was already 1 am or 3 am. Then we were all at the gym with lockers in there…to go home and we were arranging rides. I think everyone drank cause we were talking about road blocks and I was really tipsy. And for some reason ken lai was driving me and 4 other ppl home and I think Vivian was one of them. Then he couldn’t  find his keys so we were looking in people’s locker to find it for the longest time, and everything seems to be wet so I think it was raining. Then he found his keys and for some reason I started talking I guess? And crying ? Cause next thing I remember was Dvd holding my hand outside ken’s car while I was in the car and ken was still driving and then I said something and dvd started chasing  the car and I end up going to my house with dvd but again my house looks a little off. My mom was awake for some reason and making us food, and then suddenly we were making out and stuff ... then i heard my mom coming out so I pulled away. I don’t really remember much but then I remember not wanting him to do it but I was scared ?

I don’t know what happened next cause my mom woke me up cus apparently it was already 9:00 and I was going to be late for work. I ended up at work at 9:40

I think im beginning to be psychotic because I’ve been checking for a whatsapp from leon from leonards phone the whole weekend. I really need to learn to be able to be on my own. Gotta try to spend time on my own or learn to take more initiative to get friends to go out. Hate meeting people but love to be around people…how will I ever survive. Other news. I really want to get  a new luxury bag before I head back to hk, but I guess this is just a mere dream if I want to go to Thailand as well .  Do you think.. Leon will half it with me like he said? So far the money I need to spend before going to hk…

-         

      Mom’s birthday pres - wallet

-          Dad’s pres – wallet

-          Flight tickets

-          Thailand trip

On the other hand,  I just kinda treated my sister and my mom to a manicure as well as getting a Panasonic face steamer…but it was a good purchase I  think since it’s very relaxing and hopefully will do my skin some good. Gotta do more exercise and cut back on junk food so I have a nice bod when I go back to Vivian’s wedding and for Thailand: X

Heh.

You tease me for liking to read fifty, but in reality, that's what I want my life to be like. Having someone so head over heels for me. Then I stop reading those because I realize it'll just make me feel so empty inside. Always comparing. That's why I have my suicidal, psychopath books, to ensure me that there are people who are worst off then me.

55555

To a new year!

FIGHTING!

Spoiled rotten,

I love you lots hubby <3

FIGHTING

Cause it'll be worth it!